Zooming In on Balance, Boundaries, and Breaks with Evan Whitehead
How to Reach Evan Whitehead
Website:
Facebook Page: @evan.whitehead.794
Email: evanwhitehead11@gmail.com
Voxer: EW00
Transcript:
Melissa Milner 0:09
Welcome to The Teacher As... podcast. I'm your host Melissa Milner, a teacher who is painfully curious and very easily inspired. This podcast is ever changing and I hope with each season, you find episodes that speak to you in your work as an educator. This is the fifth season of The Teacher as..., and it's exciting to see the growth in how many educators are listening. Episodes are released every other week. If you enjoy The Teacher As... please rate it on Apple Podcasts and leave a review, it helps the podcast reach more educators. Thanks for listening.
Evan Whitehead 0:41
Thanks for having me on Melissa, I appreciate it. My name is Evan Whitehead. I am well fastly approaching almost my 30th year in education. I actually started and gotten the field of education, kind of going on a different pathway. I didn't expect to be an educator, but it kind of found me. And in retrospect, I think there were some things in my life that brought me to this path, especially becoming a special educator. So my first job in education was actually working in a therapeutic day school for students with emotional disabilities and what we used to call behavior disorders. And at the time, I was kind of in between trying to figure out what I wanted to do in life. And my mom was working in a special education Co Op as a one to one aid for a student with autism. And she said, you know, since hit, you're kind of in between figuring out what you want to do in college, maybe you need to get a job. And the organization I'm working for is hiring. So I said, Okay, she's like, you know, you've always kind of worked with kids and, and doing coaching and things of that nature. So go over and see what they have to offer. So I went over and interviewed and hadn't had any experience working in education. And they hired me pretty much on the spot. The role was for a paraprofessional. And the title that I actually had was, I was a crisis interventionist. And also I eventually became a teacher assistant, what I did not know was specifically how the behaviors of the students were manifest, and the reasons for being there that school. So these are our high school age students, and, and really, by, you know, by all intents and purposes, especially some of the male students, you know, we're physically the size of men.
Melissa Milner 2:16
Yes.
Evan Whitehead 2:17
And what I learned probably, in those first two years carried with me throughout my career in education, understanding the importance of building rapport with students, and establishing relationships, and being genuine, honest and authentic, and how far that can actually carry you in terms of making a difference in a student's life. So fast forward, you know, about four or five years later, I see three or four years later, I decided to go back to finish my undergrad degree, because I had kind of been pushed in the direction of going to Special Ed and I thought it'd be great career. So I did that. And I ended up my majoring in Special Education with a concentration of bilingual, bicultural, special education and teaching English as a second language. So I became a special ed teacher at the high school level, and I was teaching most of the disabilities behavior disorders in a self contained program of the high school. And then I got a job as a kind of recruited to go to another school district. And I became, like parent, like, you know, parent outreach coordinator for a high school district that has was moving to some demographic shifts, that growing Latino population that consisted of Mexican immigrants and first generation Mexican Americans, and just the needs of the community were changing.
Evan Whitehead 2:17
So we decided they were kind of looking to do some programming. And because I essentially had a double major as like a class short of having a second major and Spanish language literature and my background in ESL, and some community work. I became the community outreach coordinator for that program. And we had 300 parents every week, we offered free transportation, childcare, and then we had guest speakers, and we had six classes of English language and a citizenship class. And I also co taught a computer literacy class. So you've done a lot of different things. A little bit, yeah, a little bit. And that was kind of my first step into like administration, a little bit during that part. And it was only on the weekends, but it was a big learning experience for me. So, so I was a special ed teacher and did that on the weekends for the district. And then an opportunity came for me to move over to the other high school and become a Dean of Students.
Melissa Milner 4:31
Oh, wow.
Evan Whitehead 4:32
Kind of, you know, mid management, administrative role. It's kind of an entry level. And I was the dean of discipline. So there was three of us in a school of 2000 students. So we have quite a big caseload and doing everything from supervising and monitoring, student activities, dances, games, dealing with student discipline and law and partnerships with our with our local law enforcement, school resource officers and actually the school resource officer that that I worked with the same when I started there the same year, he started as a school resource officer. And we're really good friends to this day. And now he's actually he's actually the staff sergeant of the of the police department now. Yeah. So now he's he's really, really good guy. It's, you know, it was a great experience. And then I did some committee outreach there. And then I went back to my master's degree in ED, leadership and administration. And unfortunately, at the time, my district had just hired four new assistant principals, the year that I graduated. So they basically tell me told me, Evan, there's no room for you in terms of an assistant principal job, which is kind of the next step in terms of admin leadership work. They said, Well, if you stick around, though, you know, things always change. And you know that, but the reality of it was, I had decided to go back to school, I wanted to be in leadership, I wanted to sit at the table and be able to make some decisions. And realistically, you know, I met my wife at the time was I was pregnant with my, with my son. And he was just was born a couple years, like, after I finished my degree and, and I needed to be able to sustain my family, and I was looking for opportunities to do so.
Evan Whitehead 6:08
So right, that makes sense, my hat in the ring, and some in some jobs locally, and some sister principal jobs, and I never, I didn't get any calls back immediately. And then I saw an opening. And, you know, I kind of always worked in the Student Services side of like special ed and like, like counseling and social work. And I saw this job, it was overseeing special services. And it was combining like, kind of all the things that I liked, it was it was overseeing, like bilingual education. So I would personally be the director of bilingual education and English as a Second Language Services for the students, they would also oversee McKinney vento homeless, that would be the title one director, you know, and then also, they would oversee health services. And then they would also be the, the person that would kind of oversee any residency or disciplinary hearings as the hearing officer. And finally, they would the biggest part of the job was special education. And it was bringing back and kind of taking ownership of the special education students in the district that had been pretty much like outsourced to a special education co op for years. And the goal was to kind of was basically to figure out, like, where are students with services that they're getting? And how can we make it happen, because because the cooperative had taken so much ownership of the students that, you know, the district didn't really know where the students were and how they were getting served, they needed to be, they want to make sure that they were doing their due diligence, and also finding out if they can provide in District
Melissa Milner 7:38
Do you Do you think that's a common issue?
Evan Whitehead 7:40
I you know, I think I think it was for a while, Melissa? So I think was you know, I think what what had happened was that, um, you know, if you look at the timeline of this special ed law, right idea going into effect, it was it were very few special educators, right that that had that expertise. And in this in the public school system, you didn't have that you'd have the the capacity to do that work. So these coops popped up, and then you know, they districts were just kind of outsourcing their services and supports. And then what started to happen was, they started building their own capacity within and they didn't need the cooperative as much anymore. So that's what kind of happened and, and so when, when that position kind of opened, I said, You know what, I'll try it out. And, you know, what difference does it make? It didn't look like that much. I was, I was working in a high school district that had about 4000 students. And in the district that I was applying for was an elementary school district. So it had kindergarten all the way up through middle school. And it had like, maybe 2020 500 students, so I figured it's about the size of a of a medium to large high school, you know, however, it was actually an assistant superintendent job, and it wasn't a principal job. He got a call to go in for an interview. And the interview was with the new superintendent, who previously had the job. And I went in I interviewed and, and I didn't get any feedback at first.
Evan Whitehead 9:08
She had a poker face, no, show any emotion whatsoever. I couldn't read her. I always I always considered myself a pretty good read on people and understanding interviews. You know, I always kind of did well in those in that capacity, and I couldn't get anything and I came home and I told my wife I said, she said, How'd it go? She was like, you know, excited. She was at my mother in law's house. They're like how the interview go? Because they know I was excited trying to find a new job. And I was like, it was a worst interview I've ever had my I bombed it. I said, I said, I do not know I said, I don't want to talk about it. Like I just turned it off and forgot about it. Literally like two hours later, I got a call from the superintendent said so. I wanted to call you back. You had the interview, would you? Would you consider coming back and talking to the rest of the staff or a second part of the interview?
Melissa Milner 9:55
Nice.
Evan Whitehead 9:58
Yeah, so I went in and and talk to kind of some more folks that were, you know, some administrators and things of that nature interviewed. And about three days later, I was offered offered the position. And at at 34 years old, I became the youngest assistant superintendent in the state of Illinois. Nice. That that kind of took started my like, into leadership, especially at the district level and understanding how everything works and, and in the speed of things and in the the lens of how things are happening and what goes on. And as I said, like, all those things, were my job responsibly. So all those departments were under me. So this is this was little did people know, this was technically my first like, line administrator job because I wasn't, I wasn't, I wasn't a by title. I wasn't an assistant principal. I wasn't a principal. I like skipped
Melissa Milner 10:52
Right.
Evan Whitehead 10:53
Over everyone.
Melissa Milner 10:54
But it sounds like it was your niche with all of your experience
Evan Whitehead 10:57
It was.
Melissa Milner 10:58
The things they were looking for that position to do. It was you.
Evan Whitehead 11:01
Yes. All the stars had aligned. It was the right fit, right time. And that superintendent actually became a very good mentor of mine. And she was tough on me, though. And there were times where I was like, This is crazy. Ridiculous. She was tough on me. And she was tough on me, because two things. One is she wanted to make sure the district was successful. Right. So she was handpicked to be superintendent by the previous superintendent who was there for 30 years in a district Well, and, and he hired her as the principal in the district. So they had a great relationship. And so he hand picked her. And essentially, she had picked me to be her to take over her position. As Assistant Superintendent as he wanted me to be successful. It was important that I was successful. It was important that that that that position and role, but also, what she saw on me was things I didn't see in myself at that young age, and it was potential. And she took a chance on a very, very green, very green, right in terms of experience, but she saw something in me, right. And she took a chance and had it not been for her I would I would have, I would never be where I am today, because she taught me everything I needed to know in terms of like being an administrator at the central office level, she walked me through step by step how to do every single thing. So there were late nights that I was there. And she was my tutor, she sat by me shoulder to shoulder as the superintendent and walk me through my entire job.
Evan Whitehead 12:38
Yeah.
Evan Whitehead 12:39
Right. And like, leaders don't do that anymore.
Melissa Milner 12:41
It's on the job training. I mean, really, yeah. But I bet your instincts were perfect. And I bet like there were things you just knew how to do. I bet.
Evan Whitehead 12:50
I did. I just didn't have the formal training of what it was how and she and she told me and she made the match right for me, she matched up and so it made sense. So she was great. You know, in retrospect, like I as I said, I guess she made such a huge impact in my life.
Melissa Milner 13:08
Are you still there now? Or have you moved on?
Evan Whitehead 13:10
No I moved on.
Melissa Milner 13:11
Oh, my gosh, you have done so much.
Evan Whitehead 13:14
Yeah, I moved on. So yeah, that was that was my first kind of that was an that was Stosh. Wow, it's 2024. Ready? I mean, where does the time go? That was 2009. So like, years ago. And then, you know, I moved on. And I went, because my whole experience was always in high school. And so I did, I moved on to a large high school district to be director of special services, and doing basically the same thing. So it was a large high school district. So about 8000 students give or take. And I did land, I was also doing a lot of the diversity, equity inclusion things back then, that that we're doing now in terms of hiring, hiring, recruiting, and retaining, like staff of color, you know, and things of that nature. So I did that in the district as well. And then I took a little step back, and I wanted to learn more about what things have how things look on the state side of education. So I ended up working for a large consulting company that actually had a contract with the state board of Illinois. And through that project, we oversaw the statewide system of support. So basically, we were providing technical assistance training, any type of interventions, and we were coming in pretty much as like a team of turnaround specialists, and we were working with the lowest 20% of school districts in Illinois to help raise scores. It was all it was left behind and eventually, that came through. So we were that state arm was state arm of that, and it was the statewide system support. And so I had my role was a district liaison. So I met with with central office leaders who were previously my counterparts and talked about you know, what do we need to do so so we I learned How to do strategic planning and do needs assessments for districts and in creating, you know, the proper documents. I learned a lot about data collection and using data in order to make decisions. And it was a great experience of learning what it looks like on the in terms of state politics and state education.
Melissa Milner 15:17
I bet. I bet it was a lot. Yeah,
Evan Whitehead 15:19
It was eye opening, right? Yeah, I'll like, have my, my, my impression on my thought of being in the district, and an understanding of the State Board of Education is, is the arm right in terms of compliance and regulation, and also funding, but realizing how hard that that agency works with very limited manpower. And so in the state of Illinois, we have, we have almost 900 school districts in one state and like, you know, department is not to believe that there are not 900 people working in the department aside school district. So, you know, understanding now, like, what what it means, you know, in terms of putting the effort in and in the type of sweat equity, and elbow grease it takes to to support districts and move and help them move in a direction to be successful. So I learned a lot. That was very valuable experience. That helped.
Melissa Milner 16:13
And then...
Evan Whitehead 16:14
And then most recently, for, up until last year, for seven years, I was director of special services in a small school district, here in Illinois, and it was a one building one school school district, pre K through eight, wow. there for seven years, there was a brand new superintendent, and I was looking to get back into public education. But I promised myself I said, if I do it again, I'm not gonna go to a large school district, I didn't want that I wanted more patient I wanted, I wanted opportunities to actually know my students know, my families. And so I got hired a month after the new superintendent, and we came into the district together, and I was there for seven years. And so I had some great experiences there. And,
Melissa Milner 17:05
And now, what are you doing?
Evan Whitehead 17:07
And then I was like, you know, what, I think, you know, things started picking up for me on the on the consulting side speaking, you know, I think that's right around the time, you and I probably connected on social media, and things were going well, so I started doing some, you know, doing some writing and really being able to get out there. And so I became I, I met Dr. Ruby Payne, who her her you know, framework for understanding poverty and her workshops, and she came into our district that I was at, for seven years and get a training. And then she and I met and talked over lunch, and because I was kind of our point person, and then she ended up offering me a job to be a national consultant for her.
Melissa Milner 17:47
Nice. Oh my gosh.
Evan Whitehead 17:49
And then and so I've been I've been working with, with Ruby and her company, gosh, for probably almost 10 years now.
Melissa Milner 17:57
And is that where the balance boundaries and breaks came from> Oh that's a different thing.
Evan Whitehead 18:03
Yeah, no, not at all. Like, my work with Ruby was great, you know, going around the country and, and doing actually hurt her. At the time, it was a new book, she was about to publish. And it was called Emotional poverty or poverty, all demographics, and it talked about social emotional, well being and learning and, and helping to navigate that and how important that is, and to help students, but also staff members understand student behavior to help students be successful. Right. And so I became a trainer of that, and it was great. And I still am a national trainer for her. And then, you know, as you said, things kind of started rolling in the balance boundaries and brakes actually came because as you kind of alluded to, and picked up on, I'm a, I'm a quick study, quick learner. But that can also be very dangerous, as well, because for me, you know, my, my personality traits, as I as I learned more about myself, and was honest, myself were my personality traits.
Evan Whitehead 19:01
You know, it was always I was always looking for some type of validation, in a reason to to feel good about myself. So like, because as I told the beginning of my story, how like, my mom was like, Hey, you're kind of in between figuring out what you want to do in school, you got to get a job. My peers were finishing college right at the time. And my timeline was actually 10 years from when I graduated high school till I finished my bachelor's degree because life happened. So I felt I had to catch up. Right, right. So that's why that's why fast tracked a lot, you know, had the skills and ability but it was also me feeling I had to show everybody, right, I had to prove myself and in doing that, I got great experience. I learned a lot, but I also took on a lot, right and to go on in life. You know, I talked about how the fact like, you know, I was starting a family, and then I had another child that was you know, doing Some things I've been working hard and taking on a position in district office 34 years old with with two children, under the age of five is a lot. But I put when I was in it, I wasn't thinking that way because I was always got to do that you got to push through, got to do it, because that was my always buy mentality. And what happened was, I finally hit the wall. And, you know, my terms, my mental health, you know, I had I had a breakdown, you know, period point blank. And also, over time I was I was looking for ways that were unmanageable, unsustainable and unhealthy to, in terms of coping strategies to deal with that. And I found myself checking into the program, and going on Family Medical Leave Act.
Melissa Milner 20:53
Yeah.
Evan Whitehead 20:54
And I will say it was the best thing. And the worst thing that ever happened to me in my life, because it saved my life, right. But I'm sure it was scary. It was extremely scary, because I didn't know what was going on. I was just, I literally got to a point where I was just going through the motions, and I didn't, and I was and I was not remembering what I was doing. That's how bad it got. I was on autopilot, that much. And so, um, you know, when I watched when I checked in the program, I was a mess. I was a mess. I was I was at a point where, you know, I, my body, my mind, just like shut down. And, and, you know, the program I checked in with for dual diagnosis is for substance abuse, and also for mental health. And I had to stabilize myself and had to get clean. And, you know, it was I said, it was the best Express experience for me ever. And I learned I started learning a lot about myself and having to look in the mirror and addressing a lot of issues and challenges in my in that happened in my life that I was not dealing with and understand personality traits that weren't that I thought were positive or I thought they were they were a plus. But they can also be very detrimental at the same time, right. And the program was based in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, it just really for me made, it helped apply things that made sense in life. And they were practical, which was great for me. And also, it was great, because, you know, I'm like a sponge. Like when I was something new for me, I'll suck it up, and I'll learn it. And in what I did, I learned so much. And I caught on. And it made sense. And I healed pretty quickly. But during that time, there were three themes that kept popping up in either individual therapy, group therapy, or either some of the work I was doing, as well there. And the first theme was, was ballots, right. And and I realized, like, I don't have it, right. I was an extremist in everything that I did.
Melissa Milner 23:01
Yeah.
Evan Whitehead 23:01
If I was going to do it, I'm doing it 100% Right, whatever it is, I'm like, there is no, there's no like, like yellow light, right? It's red or green. Right? There's no pause. And, and I'm going all in and that and that helped in some settings, because it helped fast track me and helped me finish school and helped me do very well. And then other sides, like when it was when I was indulging and and really like negative behaviors that were unhealthy. I was also determined to demonstrate I could go 100% as well.
Melissa Milner 23:35
Right. Right.
Evan Whitehead 23:36
That is literally burning the candle at both ends. And I realized that like, I didn't have a middle path. There was no middle ground for me, right. And too much of anything is a bad thing, right? And I didn't have that. I realized I had to like find a middle ground in in the more that I dug into it. I was like, Okay, so that's where the balance came in. But over time, right, even from that point that I first thought about the balance too now, it's evolved because I realized that balance is not something being equal, like balance doesn't exist. There's no such thing as work life balance, okay, that that is that is that is a myth. It's impossible, mathematically impossible to split your time in half, because you don't know what the day is going to call for. And you don't know what's needed. So for me, balance is actually about equity. It's about providing the time, energy and effort, right to people, places and activities that are going to reciprocate. And that at needed at that time.
Melissa Milner 24:42
Gotcha. Gotcha. Okay.
Evan Whitehead 24:45
Because one day, one day...
Melissa Milner 24:46
It's gonna be different. Yeah.
Evan Whitehead 24:47
It's gonna be different, right? And if you think that you're going to it's going to be 5050 and equal every time you're, you're going to run yourself batty. So
Melissa Milner 24:56
I think what you're saying is an overall work balance. It might not be a day to day work yeah...yeah...
Evan Whitehead 25:01
It, right? Providing an understanding what do I need to give to this particular situation? Relationship? Whatever it is, at this current time, right about being present at this current time not overthinking about what I should have done a year ago, a week ago yesterday, or, oh my gosh, are what? What am I going to have to do like a week from now? And I'm overthinking what I have to do right now, to be the best that I can for this particular situation and give what I need to give. Right. And, and that's important. So that was the balance, right. And then the next thing that kept theme that kept coming up was was boundaries. And it I didn't understand it at first, but then I realized that I was always a people pleaser, and, and I fell victim to that. And a lot of times, you know, and that's because of my personality, being being a an empath, and caring and wanting to help, right. And especially a lot of us that are in fields like education, healthcare, right? service industries, right? Pretty, pretty common. We're used to putting other people before ourselves, right, because we want to fix, right, we want to help, right? So what happens is, though, is that we find ourselves unable to say no, and not recognizing that and being not giving ourselves permission to say no, and either feeling guilty, or flooding. People shame us because of that. And really, we're not sticking up for ourselves and advocating for ourselves. And I didn't do that.
Evan Whitehead 26:39
And that's when the work life balance gets off track, because you're not setting the boundaries. Yeah.
Evan Whitehead 26:45
Yes. 100%. Right. And it's like, so now like, what, you know, what, what are we really doing here, right, because even the educational system in and of itself, by design is designed traditionally, the way that it was designed, and it's in practice, for educators, not to put themselves first. Because if you think about the culture of it, it's always, when you first get an education, what you have to prove yourself.
Melissa Milner 27:12
And it's a calling.
Evan Whitehead 27:14
Right, it's a calling like, it's not a profession. Even though we go to school longer than any other profession there is right? Even if you think about it, even like doctors and attorneys, like once they get what they get, like, we were always learning and always getting some type of schooling knowledge, etc. But right, and so we minimize that and say, Oh, it's a calling. So we feel right. It's almost this martyrdom comes about right, like, yep, save the world. And if I'm not like, almost dying in my profession, and giving everything I can to my kids, and I have nothing left and I'm buying all these things. Look at me, look at me Look at me. Or like, when you first get in the profession, you got to come in early and stay late. You got to you got to volunteer for all these clubs and
Melissa Milner 27:55
Tha's the culture, right? It's a cult. It's a cult.
Evan Whitehead 27:58
That's enough, everywhere across the United States. Almost every public school system, and then they asked of you once you do that, right? It's like, oh, okay, let me dangle carrot dangled carrot, if you're in, you know, a collective bargaining agreement, right? Go back to school, right now you're putting more time in, in taking that away from your family. Right? And other things on top of you still trying to be active and and being involved. Right? And then once you get that, right, it's, well, maybe you should try this new position, that's going to be more work on your plate. Right? And so you're never actually getting a tie. And you're never saying no, wait a minute, I'm not going to do that. No, that's too much. It's okay to say no, it's okay to say no to family, friends, your work like when it's too much for you. Right? It's okay. And what happens is like, because the reality is this, at the end of the day, if you burnout, right, or you become susceptible to compassion, fatigue, which happens as well, all right, and you're in the hospital, or God forbid, right, worst case scenario, you know, happens. No one's gonna say, Man, I tried to tell Evan to slow down. I tried to tell Melissa like, no, it's always like, after the fact, right? When you're in it, like no one's doing that. And so like, at the end of the day, you have to be your number one advocate and say, No, I can't do that. That's too much for me. Right? And if people are pressing you, then that's an indicator that this is not healthy for me I need to move this in the boundary is not one sided right? Either. Like that's also you know, is like you have to be respectful of other people's boundaries as well. Right? learning experience myself as well. Like I, I can be Evan wants his way at times. In giving people face right, right. And that's personality trait. It's almost like wait time I'm with your students, right? As a teacher, yeah, give that time for people to process for people, whatever they need to do what they need to do. But that's also the boundaries piece. Like someone says, No, that's no like, given time, like, they're not ready yet, you know, and it's okay, you may be at a different pace than someone else to doing so. So that's where the, where the boundaries comes in, right? And taking able to in the last one that also connects with all three is breaks, right? Is, is that I realized, I never paused. So from the time that I went back to school through, you know, up until my body pause, because...
Melissa Milner 30:37
Yeah everything you just described in the first half hour of this episode, you'll never you never stop and
Evan Whitehead 30:44
I never stop. It was always what's next. What's next? What's next? What's next. Right? And really, I'm nothing more of a of an example, right? I'm a sample size of what happens, especially in Western culture. Right? Yeah, we're always we're always moving to what's next. Right? It's, it's, it's like, it's microwave society. Like, we don't want to wait for anything. Like we're always moving. We're trying to, you know, what's an acquisition, climb up the ladder, like, you know, I need to, I need to get bigger, better, whatever I need to catch up. And what happened for me is I stopped. I really, you know, as a family, we stopped taking vacations, because my kids got into sports, as well, they kind of took the place. But even so I stopped doing that. And here's another thing that ties into the culture of education. Isn't it ironic that for the most part, if you're in public education in your, in your teacher and collective bargaining agreement, okay. You don't have vacation gifts, sick days,
Melissa Milner 31:41
Or personal days that there's like two of them? Yeah.
Evan Whitehead 31:44
Two of them, right. Right. But but the thought is, though, well, you just push through and work and you'll have a holiday break, and then push through and work and holiday break, and you have summers off. So you don't need vacation days, just work through, right. Okay. And then administration, they give you vacation days, and you don't take them, but don't take them, right?
Melissa Milner 32:06
Because if you go who's going to do your job, who's going to do your job, and then the guilt, right?
Evan Whitehead 32:10
And guilty, right? And then on top of that, you're also it also becomes this game, so to speak about like, who's like if you're gonna take vacation days? Like, why? Why are you taking vacation days,
Melissa Milner 32:23
it's like the questioning, like questioning your work ethic,
Evan Whitehead 32:26
Your work ethic. So from the beginning, from the time that you enter education, right, the field of education, it's prove yourself, prove yourself, prove yourself, right, do more, put it on. And even when you get to a certain level where you're given vacation days, you don't take them. Every administrator carries over vacation days and is forced to use them or they will lose them if they can't cash them out. Is that a shame?
Melissa Milner 32:49
That's ridiculous. Yeah. Right.
Evan Whitehead 32:51
And so I stopped doing that. I stopped I didn't I never paused. I never did that. And I realized I needed to understand and also appreciate I had so many accomplishments. In my life in my career, I never got a chance to enjoy them. Right. two beautiful children. Right? No getting married, and join that having of having my first job, right, getting promotions, finishing my master's degree. Also, I didn't even go to my I don't even I didn't even go to my graduation for my master's degree. mailed they mailed it to me. I didn't go I didn't walk right next to check the box. Right. And and then so I realized that and and do you know that like when my body crashed, and I hit the wall, and I had to go into programming treatment? That I had so many days of vacation and sick time that I didn't miss a beat in terms of income, because I just I had so many days banked
Melissa Milner 33:56
Wow, was it like a 30 day type of thing or actually that was off longer than that. Unbelievable.
Evan Whitehead 34:02
So what I when I was in programming was like, I was like I not pausing. I'm not enjoying life life is I'm running through life. And I'm not even sitting in taking everything in and through that. That's when I first learned about meditation and mindfulness and helping myself get grounded and pausing and understanding the importance of of life. Right. So my three B's the balanced boundaries and breaks. It's also a double entendre because B as in be present. Right and in the in the irony of all that is that literally like after I went through program was off work finished. Came back for like, maybe a couple of weeks months COVID Hit in the entire world paused for us to take a break or take a break He wants to take a break first. So, so the world was forced to take a break and baffling like, and so, yeah, so that that's, that's where everything came in terms of the three B's and, and I at first, you know, when I left program, I told everybody I said, I'm gonna do two things one, I'm actually going to write about this. And to I'm going to whatever I do, I'm going to share my personal message. And I'm going to be very transparent, because I don't want anyone to ever have to go through what I did. And if I can share my story, I can help one person to not have what I did, then it's great. And I doing that ever since that's important work. And I've been doing it ever since. And I never, I never expected to catch on the way that it did. And what I in what I found out is it just didn't apply to educators. It applied to everybody.
Melissa Milner 35:50
Everybody. No, I'm sure everybody listening is like, Okay, I need to hear more from this guy. No, that's great. And I mean, that's sort of what my podcast is about is, you know, you go to a program like that. And it's applying to education, it's applied, you know, everything applies to teaching, everything applies to education, but because everything applies to like, it's all the metaphors and the connections. So this was really amazing. I find it fascinating to hear your story. You know, you were working so hard. It was so impressive. And then you're like, yes, but I never stopped. Like, it's like, that was really important that first half hour of you talking about all of the steps you took and and all the jobs you had. And like, it was amazing. And then it was like, oh, and then you hit a wall. Wow. Maybe you did too much. Or didn't take the breaks, it's a balance breaks, all balance boundaries and breaks. Got it? It all, it all makes sense. So this was amazing. Is there anything else? Either anything else you want to tell listeners? Or is there anything right now that you're zooming in on?
Melissa Milner 37:01
You know, what, I will tell you this is that I'm really in 2024, especially in this new age, everyone's talking about like AI right AI a lot of my work is centered in in, in emotional intelligence, social emotional, well being right mental health, etc. And what I'm what I'm zooming in and a lot now in terms of like, making this connection right with with the world of AI and that there still has to be a component of that of social emotional well, being social emotional learning, with technology and moving to a like, it doesn't stop there still a foundation that needs to happen, it needs to exist. Because even if it's artificial intelligence, right, it's still based on human beings. It's copying human instincts and responses and behaviors to create things. And, and for human beings. Right? There always are those components of sel. Right. It's, it's like responsible decision making. Right? It's It's understanding, you know, self awareness and social awareness, right? Making relationships, right, all those things are still important, because the technology is always has been, right and always will be nothing more than a tool.
Melissa Milner 38:22
That's the lens we should be having. Yes, right.
Evan Whitehead 38:25
Yep. So that's kind of where I am right now in a lot of things. And, and talking to folks is just helping everyone to remember there's all there's always been something else that was there, that's still a foundation that shouldn't leave, regardless of what we're doing. And it's always a component of what we do, especially in education, because we're still in the business of people. Right, no matter what business of people, yep, yep, we have to understand that. And we have to remember that, that everything that we do is relationship based, no matter what. And the more that we have an in depth understanding of relationships, and what makes people tick, so to speak, and how we can be reflective and be self aware, in order to be more socially aware, and then make those important decisions that we need to along that line. The beginning of that, right? It all starts with with being vulnerable enough to say that, I don't know everything, and I'm willing to learn. And that's what we all say, as educators, we're going to be lifelong learners. But we have to be able to admit that let our guard down and be open for learning.
Melissa Milner 39:32
Sounds amazing. But thank you so much. This was again, very eye opening. I really enjoyed your story. And I think it's you know, it's very brave and amazing. And giving that you share it.
Evan Whitehead 39:46
Thank you very much. So glad we're finally able to connect.
Melissa Milner 39:50
Yes. We've been trying to connect for quite some time.
Evan Whitehead 39:53
For years, literally for years. Yeah.
Melissa Milner 39:55
No, this worked out. Great. All right. Thank you so much.
Evan Whitehead 39:58
Thank you.
Melissa Milner 39:59
For my blog, transcripts of this episode, and links to any resources mentioned, visit my website at www.theteacheras.com. You can reach me on Twitter and Instagram @melissabmilner and I hope you check out The Teacher As... Facebook page for episode updates. Thanks for listening. And that's a wrap.